My wife and I separated ten weeks ago as a result of a big fight. We have only been married a year. She is a hair dresser, and I am a teacher with a lot of education. In the fight, I told her to just leave. I didn't mean it, but leave she did. A few weeks later, she mentioned lunch at some point and asked if I wanted to come over and see the dog. After being angry she left, I started or tried to communicate with her, but she said she needed space and was no longer where I was with love and the marriage. She is going to counseling and said I needed to too. Since she has seen this counselor, she has grown more distant. She now doesn't answer my calls, rarely emails, amd has me feeling like crap. I still love her. I regret the fight, but she was saying things, too. I have practically begged to work on this, but she just wants to be left alone, she is unsure of the future. The harder I try, the worse it gets. She keeps saying marriage shouldn't be this hard, and most couples have great first years of marriage. I think that is untrue. She says, too, that this is too much work; she isn't working, just ignoring. Is it worth it to keep trying? I have made a fool of myself, calling and emailing, and I get nowhere. I don't understand how someone -- someone who once said I was the best man she ever knew and her mother (deceased) would have loved me -- can turn off her feelings. I admit I probably don't understand women, but this is cruel. She doesn't have much money, but she prefers that to being with me. The reason I told her to just go is that we just moved to a new house, and she still had her old one. She used to say in the old house the house was her stepson's, like he was in charge or his will would prevail -- he is ten. In this new house, I said that this house was not HIS but could be ours, she flipped, and that led to a fight. I feel helpless. I am at a loss how she can turn off feelings. She says she doesn't trust me yet for all the time we hade been together, I was the one person who never let her down. We don't fight well, but I wanted marriage counseling, but she didn't want that, just individual. I guess I have to backoff, but it doesn't make sense. I can't win her back by not seeing her. My friends and family say I should get out of this, but I knwo she has unique attitudes about things, and I certainly love her. She has to know by now I regret that argument and I am suffering (I have said as much many times). How can anyone be so cold?
August 28th 2008 Posted to
QanA 
