Financial talk

I've been going through stuff recently- \family issues the past few years, primarily that my dad is in a deep depression and unemployed. I have a lot of stress relating to financial issues - my sublet was terminated suddenly and I had no chose but to move in with my unemployed parent who threatens to kill himself (i doubt his seriousness but still) and i have been picking up the slack. My girlfriend recently broke up with me without explaining why. I have a lot of friends, but I don't really like talking about these sort of things with people i know, I never really even communicated this too my girlfriend. I'm usually the person that people call to talk about stuff and for advice. I had been depressed for a while, but a few months ago it got really bad. One day I sort of just lost it and i can't describe it except that I felt really disconnected. I cut myself a few times, i don't know why, i agree that it is ridiculous. But it seemed to make sense at the time. But i stopped that. . I also burned myself badly with a cigarette when i was drunk. I don't drink often. The self mutilation is something i only did a few times, but i never showed or told anyone. i usually make up excuses for the cigarette burns (I only a few). I'm not suicidal, but sometimes I feel really bleak. I realize there is a lot of good in life, and things will probably improve, I'm just really tired of everything. Sometimes I feel fine though, very optimistic, and sometimes i feel like life is worthless, even though i know it isn't. Even with college - i have a really hard time sitting down and concentrating, even though i know my work will pile up and i'll stress out later. I 'm usually okay and can convince myself that, but sometimes it's just out of control. Also, this is probably a side note, but I think I may have been in love once, but girls never actually love me. I’ve had girls who just wanted to have sex, but no one who actually loved me for being me, as screwed up as I am. I want some who loves me and to be loved. Any advice is great, and if anyone can recommend someone to speak to in nyc (a therapist) and how to go about doing that, it would be great. just to clarify - i stopped the mutilation, on my own, though sometimes I'm tempted. I respect those of you who believe in god, but i grew up in a religious family, and that lifestyle isn't for me. And I stopped having sex with those girls. How come I can't find anyone to love me, not girls who just want sex? i would be willing to do so much...